People can be real jerks sometimes. I know you know that. Just because someone else is choosing to feel miserable or to be negative doesn’t mean you have to let that invade your energy level. You don’t have to focus on that. You can maintain your vibrational position so that they don’t bring you down to theirs. Here’s the trick: Use their negativity as a reminder.
- Use it as a reminder of how you don’t want to be and why. Hint: One has to be feeling pretty bad to be so negative.
- Remember that they are free to create just like you are.
- Use it to remind you of the opposite emotion or vibration and how you do want to feel. This is a technique called “Pivoting” that Esther Hicks coined years ago.
- Use it appreciation the wisdom you have about how you can focus differently and feel better.
- Use it to set intentions for how you want to feel going forward.
- Use it to remember the importance of controlling your focus.
For example, if someone treats you badly or is negative or gruff, instead of letting them dominate the airwaves, use them as a cue in your own mind to think, “Boy, do I appreciate that I’m not miserable or upset or angry like that person.” And then maybe think something like, “That reminds me that I always want to be kind, that I want to be happy, gentle, and kind,” and “It makes me appreciate the goodness I notice in most people.” This reaction is better than getting hung up focusing on their negativity which would certainly bring your vibe down and cause you to notice more negativity in the future.
To the extent that you can clear that type of negativity out of your zone, all the better but it’s not necessary. Even in ongoing relationships, it just takes one person shining brightly to dominate with positive vibes and uplift others by doing so. A big part of it is to realize that you don’t have control of them and what they are choosing to focus on. And, it takes unconditional love. They don’t have to be different in order for you to love them. Understand, they are doing the best they can at the moment, just like you are. Don’t even waste your energy trying to change them. Love them where they are. Keep a light focus if you don’t like what you see, or look the other way. Know they can rise to meet you on a higher level of vibration whenever they want to. They may want to sooner rather than later when they see how much fun you’re having up there!
Sports teaches you character, it teaches you to play by the rules, it teaches you to know what it feels like to win and lose —it teaches you about life. -Billie Jean King
Billie Jean King has it right regarding sports teaching about character and life. The player has the opportunity to face the anxiety (aka fear) and respond with integrity (aka love). Doesn’t mean they will but it also doesn’t mean they won’t learn to respond with integrity eventually even if a hard fall is required first. People are always learning even if they don’t mean to. Life is one big experiment that way.
Sports aren’t the only places to learn to face the fear and respond with integrity, of course. Lessons come for everyone through one life arena or another: family, school, health, relationships. We can choose to be authentic in our daily interactions and activities. There are opportunities on a daily basis for each of us to choose integrity and good reasons for doing so even if it means “losing” in the interim. The biggest reasons for doing so are to know your true self, to stretch your own personal limits, and to live the whole-hearted* beauty of an authentic life.
Pay attention to what you’re focusing on. This one thing can do wonders to increase your satisfaction in life almost immediately.
First, understand that what you focus on affects how you feel.
If what you’re thinking about makes you feel bad, it affects your energy level in a bad way. It lowers your vibe. If you’re thinking about something that makes you feel bad, you will quickly start to feel stressed or tired or just generally have a bad attitude.
On the other hand, if what you’re thinking about makes you feel good, it affects your energy level in a good way. It raises your vibe! It doesn’t matter if what you’re thinking about it is true or not. What matters is if it helps you feel good.
So, for example, use this to enhance your career. If thinking about the weekend makes you feel good, then spend a few seconds periodically daydreaming about your free time. But if thinking about the weekend makes you feel bad because you want it to be the weekend now, or it makes you yearn for the weekend, then avoid thoughts about the weekend. Choose to focus on something that makes you feel good instead.
Here’s another example. On an old episode of Dancing with the Stars, Olympian Evan Lysacek was being coached by his dancing pro Anna Trebunskaya. Evan was a top-notch technician but was not good at showing emotion in his dancing. Anna asked him, “What makes you happy?” Evan mumbled something about cars then said as his face lit up, “my baby nephew!”
He then proceeded to show his coach cute little videos of his nephew on his phone. He was smiling and laughing the whole time. Anna capitalized on that reaction and brought it to his attention. Long story short, he danced like a whole new man in that week’s competition. Even more importantly, he now knows a trick (shall we say, a Jedi mind trick?) for something to focus on when he notices he is not feeling as good as he could.
You can do the same to enhance your life. Gather some “go to” thoughts you can use to switch your thinking when you notice you’re dragging. Keep a list of thoughts you can try to change your focus when necessary. Maybe it’s a favorite memory, a song you love, or silently reciting a list of who loves you. There is always something you can focus on for a few seconds to raise yourself to a more positive vibe. Find it and focus there to notice a new perspective on life nearly immediately.